Independence and Interdependance | thezombieshuffle

http://thezombieshuffle.com/2016/03/07/independence-and-interdependance/#like-1724

I always ask Danny before I spend money on something we don’t need…..because our budget requires it.
Danny doesn’t always do the same. He has gotten better about how and what he spends.
I try not to say too much because he is the one in charge of our income.
He has learned that I just want to be given a vote . I don’t want or like those kind of surprises.
I have seldom said no to anything he wanted. At least,  in the last few years.
I did speak up, with Dad’s Christmas money to me. Not as much as I should have.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Reblogged this on Sarah's Attic Of Treasures and commented:

    I spoke Way too soon about the Christmas money.

    Like

  2. zombiedrew2 says:

    Hi Sarah,

    for me growing up, my mom stayed at home while my dad worked. However my mom ran our household budget, because my dad was hopeless with money and never thought more than a few weeks into the future. I can’t really say how much he was involved in the decision making, but I would like to think that his thoughts were valued.

    In my marriage, I’m the planner and organizer while my wife is comfortable just kind of going along for the ride. In some ways that’s good, because I guess it means she trusts my decision making. Thing is, even though I think I’m doing what’s best for us, I don’t know unless she tells me. And you never want to find out only when someone is unhappy, so I truly do believe it’s best for her to be involved in everything. Unfortunately she’s not really interested and when I try to get her involved she just says “whatever you think” (not really what I’m looking for there).

    We do have both joint and separate finances. Each of us liked the idea of having at least some finances separate so neither has to feel like they are getting permission from the other for things. I guess it makes the relationship feel a bit less restrictive while still knowing that we are an “us”. Even with some separation of finances, I truly believe that any decisions that affect both of us should involve input from both.

    That’s just my take, and what I think works best for me. I see other couples that do everything separately and I wonder – where’s the “us”? Where’s the relationship? Then I see couples where one person seems to do everything, and I always hope that the silent partner still has a voice and is being heard.

    But ultimately whatever works for the couple works for them.

    For you and Danny, if you are seldom saying “no” because you’re on board with what is being done then I think that’s great. Sometimes people don’t say no because they don’t want to rock the boat though, and when that happens I think it can lead to resentment – which I see as one of the big killers of relationships.

    All the best.

    Like

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