Having A Few Bad Days / By Sarah

I haven’t felt very well for a week or so. Not sure if it’s lupus related or just hormones and stress. I feel like I have the flu at times. Very lethargic. Exhausted in mind, body, and spirit.

Trying so hard to fight all of the negative feelings.

Danny is drinking again. Not every day or even every other day. Just more. When he does drink, it’s always a lot.

He changes so quickly when he drinks. He goes from being quiet and ignoring me in his computer room to suddenly talking non-stop for hours.

I can’t handle the changes.

The weather is also causing havoc to both of us.

I love the cooler temps but not the humidity we keep getting. It goes from the middle to high 80’s to the low 60’s/high 50’s in a day. Back and forth. Allergies are a problem.

Plus, I feel feverish and dizzy a food part of the time.

My mood fluctuates drastically. I can feel calm (as calm as I ever can be anymore) to rage in seconds. (Every time he brings up a certain female’s name or pours a glass of wine.)

Always afraid of the arguments that tend to come at those moments.

I am bitter and fighting hard not to be.

Bible Study has been hard.

This Advent season is passing me by. I am missing the joy of Christ’s coming.

Prayer is constant.

Listening is hard.

Missing my dad. My mom.

Always missing my son.

We are supposed to lose our parents.

We are NOT supposed to lose our children.

My sister and I are texting more and more. She is feeling the losses as well.

Lying here, needing to sleep.

Just venting.

Thanks for letting me.

Love And Hugs

Sarah

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