From Sarah : I never meant to start rambling.
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From Sarah :
I have been restless for almost 2 years now. Restless isn’t the best word for what I feel but it’s what comes to mind as I continue to struggle.
I want to get back to sharing more of my life here in Florida. Write about things that happen throughout my day.
Or what I wish was happening. My life right now is one big “BORE”. I bore myself . I miss the person who moved to Florida after Bobby died, determined to find a way through the darkness of his life. I gave up everything to move here. Literally, I moved here with only a few suitcases.
I have stories to tell. To share.
Everything I did was done for Danny and I. We were such a team back then.
We worked 60 plus hours a week. We thrived. Took nightly drives. Went fishing. Took the boat out. Went on hikes. Watched the sun go down together at the bridge and watched it come up again over Lake Kissimmee.
We made love everywhere. Had such fun. Laughed and cried. We were so connected.
For years we worked together. Played together. Loved together. And almost at once things started changing.
I have always loved being by myself. I thrived then as much as I did when we were together.
Somewhere along the way, I lost that ability to be constant here at home. Yet, I long for more time alone.
I long for Danny to go to work. I dread him coming home. I never know if I will get Quality Time with him before he heads to his computer room and totally shuts me out. I don’t like not knowing if he will spend any time with me .
Or if all of a sudden, usually in the wee hours of the morning (2:30 -3;00 AM or later) he will breeze through the kitchen and just start talking.
USUALLY about things I would rather not talk about ….let alone in the middle of the night.
I dread the fights we often have because I will eventually say something he takes the wrong way… Or I finally just get tired of the negative / repetitive ramblings of someone who has had too much too drink and yell at him to just stop.
I don’t think I had ever yelled at anyone till I met Danny. I know I had never really been yelled at before.