I always have good moments in my day. Usually it’s Baby Girl just doing what she always does. Or it’s the way the sun looks in the morning or even shadows.
Day 2 - September 2, 2020 Last night I reacted badly to Danny signing out 45 minutes early. I was relaxed. Still calm. All it took was here him sign out over the work radio. I went from Calm And Relaxed to this "Witch Bitch" I still don't recognize as myself. Even after feeling this anger for a year and a half. Danny was home within 10 minutes so I had only a few minutes to calm down. It didn't happen. While I kept the anger out of my tone, I was still a bit agitated. OK, I was Full Blown Irritated. It really wasn't his fault and it should NEVER have been an ISSUE. I made it one. The rest of the night didn't go well. We were both out of sorts. Working on my temper. ALWAYS. Working to stay calm. To not react every time something small happens. I never went to bed Tuesday night. Mainly because I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. Danny had to get up at 7 AM. He DID NOT go to bed until 6:15 AM. Yep, 45 minutes before his alarm went off. He had not been quiet during the night. Everything was setting him off And he would start fussing from his computer room. Then the actual yelling would start. I am proud of myself for remaining fairly quiet through it all. I got tired of having to interrupt what I was doing and having to go find out what he was upset about. This goes on every night. Not always as bad. I can never relax. He invited me to a chat that he was having with a follower from his You Tube Channel. There is a long story pertaining to this type of request that I won't go into now. Let's just say she was a young female. I had NO INTEREST in being there. Yet, I was trying to please Danny. He wanted me to be there with him. There is nothing wrong with this person or her channel. It's just a reminder of what happened last year with YOUNG FEMALES online. (Not ready to explain any further). So I was frustrated. We waited for the chat. It never happened. I REMAIN CALMER than NORMAL. I remained fairly calm ALL NIGHT.I had to work at it. I wanted to explode when he said he wasn't eating Supper. The special dish he asked for. The one that I couldn't eat because it wasn't healthy. So this morning I had to really hold in my anger. Keep my cools as Danny's alarm clock went off for 30 minutes. I kept my cool after trying 2xs to get him up. He finally got up and got dressed. He was a bit HUNGOVER. I wanted to yell at him but I didn't . I made a few faces but never said a word. He left a little late. I was anxious until I heard someone call him over the radio an hour later. I knew he was OKAY. I was able to finally relax. I slept off and on. Not soundly. I got up around 2ish. Made the beds. Got dressed. Etc. Got certain things ready for him for Thursday. Went out side. The sun was shining brightly. It was HOT AND HUMID but I forced myself to walk around the yard for 15 minutes. I at least got some Vitamin D. Took a shower. Changed Clothes again. Did a little Bible Study. I need to get back into it. Read a few posts on Wellness And Health. Looked up some YOGA exercises. I only had a couple of hours to work on my anger still festering inside me. I wanted to be calm when Danny got home. I SUCCEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!