Making My Home A Haven is important to me. Sharing homemaking skills. Recipes and food. Bible Studies. This is a treasure chest of goodies. So take a seat. Have a glass of tea and enjoy. You will learn all about who I am.
I Slept From 9 PM Wednesday Night Till 4 PM Thursday Afternoon.
I was so tired last night. Oh so tired. I remember walking into the kitchen to tell Danny I was going to bed. He just looked at me and then at the clock.
I fell asleep right away. I seldom do that.
I never heard anything until Danny came to bed. Never heard all the sounds that go on at night that always keep me awake. The interaction between Danny and Mr, Bojangles. The noise of the animals underneath the house or the rain that fell.
I slept soundly. Dreaming Of Bobby and his cousins when they were little. Dreaming of my parents. I feel as if I dreamed all night. Wonderful dreams of yesterday.
This morning, the sun was bright and I just rolled over on my side.
I heard Danny get up and I looked at the clock. It was 9:10.
I’d been sleeping for 12 hours.
I went back to sleep and slept soundly. More wonderful dreams.
Even when I finally got up at 4 PM, I could have slept some more. Yet, I knew I wouldn’t dream again. I got up.
I’d slept for 19 hours.
A little sad, that Bobby can only be heard in my dreams and on a few old cassette tapes I have.
Yet, happy and very thankful. that for hours….We were together again.
Mom and her son….Simply having fun.
Love you Bobby. Love my Memories Of You. My Dreams.
I had the most wonderful dream last night. Then I woke up and realized ONCE AGAIN THAT IT WAS ONLY A DREAM. Reality set in all too soon. Bobby was gone.
I live for those dreams , Yet , at the same time I dead them. For a BRIEF MOMENT when I wake up, Bobby is ALIVE again. All Is well again. FOR THAT MOMENT. Then it all changes as I once again face the fact that he died years ago. The SADNESS is there is full force. The GRIEF of the past is as strong as ever. Those feelings linger throughout the day. Never really going away. A reminder that the past was really better. Life has gone on and it’s been a good one for the most part. Whoever said “It Only Hurts For A Little While”wasn’t talking about the death of a child.
I wrote the following years ago when I started a group for Bobby on Facebook.
Robert Lee Kasch Born in Alton, Illinois on July 17, 1980 to Debra Sue Kasch. He died at his home in Colorado Springs, Colorado on May 19,2006. He was 25 years old. Sunrise to Sunset- Not long enough.
What can a mom say about her only child, who was taken from this world suddenly and without warning? BOBBY DIED FROM AN ASTHMA ATTACK. He hadn’t had a serious attack in years. YES! ASTHMA KILLS! Bobby was almost 26 years old. He never married and didn’t have any children. He had a strong faith in God and liked helping others. He worked at The Gazette in Colorado Springs. He loved kids and his cat. He love his church and youth groups. He loved the Chicago Cubs and the Denver Broncos. He loved the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band and Shania Twain. His favorite people were his Aunt Donna, his cousins, his great- grandparents and the Lymings. He loved Kari. He ‘d be the first to tell you that he loved his mom most. We were really close. He’d call in the middle of the day just to have me listen to a favorite song. He called at midnight to wish me Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday. He just call for no reason. The first thing he said when he talked to me was, “Mom,I love you!” That was also the last thing he said. …..”
Tyler, Michael, Donna, Kari, Bobby and I. Colorado 2014
Bobby and Danny,
On Top Of Pike’s Peak,
3 months old
Bobby and I
Hell Week: The Week following Bobby’s Death.
Mom and Dad
Danny and I
Danny was wonderful for most of my birthday. As I mentioned in Part 1, I woke up on Wednesday in a bad mood. It didn’t help that it was gloomy outside. Dark And Cloudy. Humid.
I had trouble shaking off “The MOOD”. I knew a lot of it was because I was missing my dad. It was my first birthday without him.
It doesn’t matter how old a person is, (61 here) they will always want their parents in their lives.
Birthdays are always hard. Bobby and I always spent our birthdays together. Even when he grew up, Bob chose to spend his day with his MOMMA. We usually went to the movies. Then that night we would go to the fondue restaurant in Manitou Springs.
“Our signature 4-course fondue dinner begins with freshly made salad with house-made dressing, followed by cheese fondue served with baked bread, fruits and vegetables. For your entrée, you’ll prepare your selections on a tabletop Swiss Raclette grill and crown your evening with decadent chocolate fondue. Our complete menu is available à la carte including vegetarian and gluten-free options. We also boast an award-winning wine collection featuring a diverse selection of top-rated wines from around the world and exclusive, limited-allocation boutique wines. If you are looking for a delicious and enjoyable fine dining or high class restaurant experience in Colorado Springs, only head west a few more miles and be in awe of our mouth watering selection to choose from.”
I was amazed that Bobby enjoyed going there as much as I did. We had so much fun. We were always remembered because we were the ONLY Mom And Son to go there every year.
We dressed up for it.
It was something we looked forward to all year.
Growing Up my mom always went out for our birthdays.
For years She fixed my favorite Chicken And Dumplings. Angel Food Cake with Strawberries.
Not the Southern Version either. We had big fluffy herbal dumplings with a whole chicken. Carrots , Onions And Peas.
It was heaven on earth.
Then one year, in the early 70’s, I surprised her when I requested FONDUE.
I was thinking of Swiss Cheese Fondue. We had that PLUS a fondue pot for cooking steak and veggies.
She made dips and sauces.
My birthday gift that year was a fondue cookbook.
I was hooked.
I borrowed the above photo.
This was similar to what our table would look like.
My favorite color is RED so the first fondue pot was bright red. We ended up with 2 more. Another red one and a gray one. Mom used a couple of one burner units as well.
My brother, John, never was a fan. He seldom stayed long.
The rest of us, Mom and Dad and my sister Donna, loved these nights.
My Aunt Sandy was often there to. Before she moved to Colorado. Her birthday is the day after mine.
I remember the first time my mom’s parents were there also. Oh what fun we had. Lots of laughter.
December 11, 2019
We went to Lake Wales the theatre there. Watched MIDWAY.
We shared a bucket of BUTTERED POPCORN and had drinks.
The following photos were actually taken the night before my birthday when we started celebrating. Danny couldn’t wait to give my my gift. So we had FAMILY TIME. Family Time MEANS Danny and I Plus Baby Girl and Vittles (our 10 year old rabbit)
I also know part of what my Christmas gift will be.
From Sarah :
I wish Danny enjoyed SPORTS. He understands the games but is not a fan of watching them on TV.
I miss watching the Cubs with my Dad ,dad , my sister and my Grandpa and Grandma Pettengell. My brother may have been there but if he was I really don’t remember it.
Both of my parents were raised in Chicago. Home OF THE CUBS. Forget THAT OTHER TEAM. It didn’t exist. LOL
Then when Bobby came along he watched with us. No one was a bigger fan than Bobby was.
When we lived in Colorado we still went home to Illinois to watch many of the Cub games. Either in St. Louis when they were playing the Cardinals or in Chicago at Wrigley Stadium. Or we cherished the Chicago games. The excitement.
We would either stay with my uncle or at a motel there. We would watch every game we could. Even the practices.
We also toured Chicago while we were there.
When we watched the games at home , we would always fix lots of food.Usually fajitas or nachos and chicken wings. A whole host of foods.
May 3, 2016
The art of the nacho goes like this… you need a base of chips. Freshly fried is preferred and I’m having a moment with flour tortillas from Old El Paso. EACH chip needs some melted cheese AND queso otherwise it’s pretty much naked just sitting there being sad. Once there is some cheese, in any form on top, you can stick it in the oven, melt everything and then top it with all the fixings! It’s very very very important to load it up – guacamole, pico, carne asada, the works… it needs to be a party on every chip.
From Sarah : I really enjoyed this post . I suffer from depression. Just because we are Christians doesn’t mean we don’t suffer the same things others do. We suffer them as well. We have an ally in Christ. We have someone to go to discuss what hurts. Someone to take our troubles to.
After Bobby died, I needed Christ even more. Yes, I got angry with God at first. How could I not? For a short while I blamed HIM. Because of the closeness I had with God, I was able to VENT and then get PAST the ANGER. I got past the questions.
I don’t ask why. To be honest, As A MOM who lost her child, THERE Will NEVER BE A GOOD REASON FOR BOBBY BEING TAKEN FROM ME.
As a Christian, I was able to get past the anger and find JOY in my life again.
For Years after Bobby died, I was able to help other parents who have lost a child. I still do, just not on the scale I was. Helping others grieve helped me grieve as well.