Making My Home A Haven is important to me. Sharing homemaking skills. Recipes and food. Bible Studies. This is a treasure chest of goodies. So take a seat. Have a glass of tea and enjoy. You will learn all about who I am.
Danny Seldom eats dinner or any other meal with me.
Danny Ate Dinner at the kitchen table where I was working. This made my week.
WHY?
I don’t remember the last time Danny ATE at the table. (Except when we were in Dade city. his computer was there.)
Danny hasn’t eaten with me in years.
BBQ RIBS Collard Greens With Bacon Mashed Potatoes With Gravy
I grew up with family who always ate together. It was the highlight of our day.
Bobby would never have thought about not eating at the table with me.
I keep adding updates to this LETTER TO DANNY. Not really a letter anymore with all of the UPDATES.
I still haven’t written on WHAT happened to us (REALLY ME) in FEBRUARY and WHY I have been very angry and bitter.
Betrayal is a nightmare. What’s worse is when the spouse (In this case, Danny, acts as if nothing is wrong. Like he hasn’t done anything wrong.)
In February of this year, I found out that Danny was sending Text Messages to other women. I thought his PORN use was bad enough. (That hadn’t been as much of a problem in the last few years.)
Some of these were SEX TEXTS.
He says it’s not cheating. That he isn’t doing anything wrong.
I say it IS CHEATING.
I say it is if for no other reason that I believe it is. That it is killing me. He is saying things to others that he should be saying to me.
It’s hurtful and downright cruel.
That’s all I want to say about it right now other than things have improved. It’s not taking over his every waking thought. He isn’t doing everything in front of me.
I set some rules down that he must follow. Not enough of them.
I have the means to leave now and that has been a blessing.
Sadly, it took my dad’s dying to be able to have the money to leave.
So, It’s a waiting season, for me at least.
His drinking got bad enough that Danny ended up in the hospital. AGAIN. Pancreatitis. This was the first of September.
Life has been different the last 2 months. He was in the hospital for 8 days.
Off work for a month. Soon after he left the hospital, he got GOUT in his FEET. He wasn’t able to get around without PAIN and TEARS.
He is NOT DRINKING.
UPDATED SEPTEMBER 2020 Danny Started drinking again Thanksgiving weekend , not long after this section was written. I told HIM I WOULD NOT VISIT HIM IN THE HOSPITAL IF HE GETS SICK AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!! ALL I WOULD DO WAS DUMP HIM OFF. Dump is the right word.
The rest was post last year.
Yet, the messages to others continue. Not the SEX STUFF. At least right now. I have been very angry and bitter the last few months.
Working on it.
Blogging and writing more again. Sharing.
I also started using essential oils.
Life goes on.
I will be sharing more and more of my life here. For me mainly.
Love And Hugs Sarah
The rest are older posts and the original LETTER TO DANNY.
Updated. August 3, 2019
Some things have changed for the better since I last wrote this letter.
Life at the park is a little better than before. We have a new Assistant Manager. Well new 3 years ago. She is amazing.
For me though, it’s HELL.
Mainly things out of my control.
Danny finally got me on his cell phone plan. Verizon. So I got a new phone.
Another phone and number. LOL
Shortly after I wrote the first letter to Danny, I bought a good used cell phone and got Twigby
I had phone service and data.
Data is important because our internet connection at it’s best is only 1G. Usually it’s .05 or less.
Or nothing at all.
Although at the moment , Nothing is working well here.
Not on either phones.
I bought a better camera and finally a new laptop. Not as good as I need but better than the ones Danny bought me.
I have been back to Illinois 2 different times.
Once in November of last year. Danny was with me. We were there almost a month.
It was wonderful to be on the family farm again.
To spend quality time with family.
Dad. Donna and Jim. My niece and nephews and their families.
I called a few friends but didn’t visit with them then. I needed family time.
Danny and I needed time together. We need time away from Lake Kissimmee State Park and Rolling Meadows Ranch.
Away from the radio.
AWAY together.
We had a wonderful time. We stayed in a motel in Grafton. It overlooked the Mississippi River.
We traveled the back roads of my childhood. Ate Catfish and fritters. Frog Legs. Home cooking. We shared meals together.
(We had a great time.
We had a lot of heartbreak there as well.
I promise, I will talk about the visits to Illinois.)
We seldom eat together in Florida.
Danny eats in his computer room at all hours. Refusing any kind of meal time together.
I grew up with family meals.
Lively meals. We laughed . Told stories. Caught up with everyone and their day.
I miss that almost more than anything.
Things changed drastically after the New Year. Honestly, I still don’t understand it.
I am not up to writing about it now, other to say that Danny is NOT the same. He is going through a terrible mid-life crisis. Male Menopause.
Everything that has been wrong all these years is worse. Everything Danny thinks is Okay when I KNOW it’s morally wrong ……It’s worse.
I feel sorry for anyone who has lived through betrayal and hurt.
It’s a lonely life here for me.
I went back home to Grafton In May. I scheduled it so my sister and her husband could go to Idaho for 2 weeks. I wanted to be there a week or so before they left and a week or so after they came back. I wanted to be there for Mother’s Day. Bobby’s Angel Day on May 19th.
Danny was asked to go along.
By the time I left Florida, I was thankful he had stayed home.
I really didn’t want to go home to him when I finally had to.
I will write more about both trips soon.
I will say that while I was in Illinois, my dad died.
Danny took a plane there a week later so we could drive my Dad’s car back to Florida.
He was in Illinois overnight. That’s It.
I couldn’t even enjoy the ROAD TRIP home. I got a MIGRAINE. SICK THE WHOLE TIME.
The really important things have deteriorated so badly, that I know in my heart I should leave.
I would be a lot happier if I left him. Left Florida.
Where would I go?
Good question?
Colorado?
I always wanted to move back to Colorado. I dream of being in the mountains again. I long for it.
4 Seasons. All Mild.
I would see snow. I wouldn’t be burning up 350 or more days of the year. It’s not as humid.
The mountains call my name.
They always have.
What about my hometown?
Grafton?
I love the family farm, but my sister and her husband own it now. They have plans to sell most of it and move to Idaho.
My niece and nephews and their families live in Illinois.
I have friends there.
My home church is there.
I have choices.
Writing as if I were writing to Danny again. :
Danny,
I don’t need you to be happy. I was perfectly content living in Colorado when Bobby was alive. I would have managed very well if I had never left it.
I didn’t know until you told me a few months ago, that my dad had told you to get me as far away from Colorado when he and my mom came out the week Bobby died.
THANK YOU for Following Dad’s advice.
Yet, in all honesty, Dad was wrong.
He meant well.
When he saw me a few days after Bobby died, all he saw was a shell of myself.
A wreck. Someone who wasn’t able to close her eyes because all she saw was Bobby lying on the floor in his apartment. Dead.
All I could smell was death.
When I went back to close up the house a few months after moving to Florida, I couldn’t wait to see everything . I was HOME in Colorado.
Yes, Bobby was everywhere. I loved that part.
What I remember most is the joy I felt coming HOME.
I was happy. Yes, I was grieving. I would have grieved no matter where I was.
I missed you while I was there those 2 weeks. I made sure I was back in Florida for Easter weekend.
I hated leaving Colorado.
I left in a snowstorm.
It was in the upper 80’s when I got to Florida.
My heart was still in Colorado. I shouldn’t have had to choose between you or Colorado.
The following is an old post.
I wrote the following section 2 years ago.
During a very lonely night of missing Bobby, Missing US, Missing Me. This was a post I never meant to share.
I rambled. I was open and honest. Too honest, maybe…Not honest enough…. It’s emotional. Heartfelt. A Mom who misses her child.
A few things have changed since I wrote this.
Our Assistant Manager Left last month.
Charlie Left last year.
Danny really HATES what has happened at work. He still loves Lake Kissimmee State Park and being a Park Ranger. He Hates many of the changes that have been made and the ones that never seem to change.
I have cell service. Sort of : TextNow.
I bought a refurbished Samsung S4.
Danny bought me a DSLR Camera for my birthday.
WHY? So I could start taking photos of Train Activities. And It was Cheap.
Not complaining because at least I have one now.
I went home to Illinois.
For Mom’s memorial service.
We were suppose to go to Arizona to see my dad in October of last year.
The money was supposed to have been SAVED.
We couldn’t go. Not our fault.
But the MONEY I had put aside for it IS GONE.
Danny, you promised to save it and not spend it.
It was money from Dad anyway. For Me.
It was the ONLY thing I insisted on when I got my Christmas Check. The ONLY THING.
We still have good times. A lot of them. The simple every day moments.
I haven’t been happy. It’s not all your fault. Depression is a horrible thing. Yet, I cover it well when you are home. I keep things going.
I am sorry for the weight gain.
Do you ever walk with me?
The only time we ever walked together is when we walked Mittens.
She has been dead for almost 3 years.
I don’t remember you ever asking me “How My Day Went”….Not here in Florida.
You never ask me about anything PERSONAL.
From Sarah
Please Pray for me. I love Danny. I know he loves me.
THE FOLLOWING IS THE ORIGINAL LETTER I WROTE TO DANNY. (Of course, It was never given to him).
MY ORIGINAL LETTER TO DANNY.
Written:
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Dear Danny,
We each made promises before and after I moved here to Florida. You were so different back then and I know I was as well.
We had the world at our feet. We really did. We even had the money to make most of our dreams come true.
I know that the chances of you ever finding another job in the Park Service that included a house or a mobile home not on top of other employees would be hard. I have looked at ALL of the parks. I have had years to look around.
We are fortunate to live where we do. We have a house, We live alone for the most part on 7 thousand areas. We have the park to call our own as well as Catfish Creek. I don’t know of anyone one else who can say they sit in the middle if 25 thousand acres.
We see more animals in our own yard than most people see in a lifetime. Danny, I would miss this house and what we have here. You know that. I would hate living in town again. With PEOPLE.
You have seen me wither away bit by bit every year as the summers get longer, hotter and wetter. You have seen what it does to me.
You have seen the tears I have shed. I am an outdoor person who lives inside most of the year.
Why do I understand why you stay here and yet, you won’t admit how much I need to leave?
Danny, You aren’t even happy here any more. You still enjoy the work. You just can’t stand the fact that you are the ONLY one who is really doing their part. At least Andi is starting to come round. Mark is only going to get worse. If that is possible. Big Josh won’t grow up. How many split shifts did you have to do this week because he took off his late field week? That is NOT going to change. Charlie, (And you know I love him like a brother) is so tired of the park that he isn’t going to get any better. He will always take off weekends and holidays. Why shouldn’t he? He has a new wife and her son and a small ranch of his own to take care of.
Unlike Us who never do anything. They have a life and working together.
Our managers certainly are not going to change. They have had 9 years to change.
I have kept ALL of my promises. Every single one of them.
Can you say the same thing? Remember, I have all of our letters, notes, emails and postcards. Every last one of them.
Have you kept any of them?
OK, You promised to always love me and I know that you do
What happened to our dreams? Our plans?
Danny, Bobby died while I was making plans to move here. I never backed down. Never wavered from our plan. Yes, I had to delay moving to Florida. Yes, we had to delay the wedding for a few months.
I came as soon as I could get his affairs taken care of. AFFAIRS, How I hate that word, no matter how it is used.
He died in May and I was here the week before Thanksgiving. I even came the week we were suppose to have been married. I was here exactly as planned. I just had to go back.
Danny, I had to close down our house, Bobby’s apartment and bury my son.
What did you have to do?
I will always be thankful you were there with me right after he died. No One, No Parent, No Mother, should have have to say goodbye to their child, although, if you remember I refused to say goodbye to him.
Hell week.
I remember more of it than you think I do. I remember you holding me for hours when I couldn’t I remember my parents going in to say their goodbyes. Oh Danny, Dad cried. He cried because of Bobby and because he knew he couldn’t help me get through it. . I remember later dad telling me how glad he was that you were there.
You told him that you would never let me cry if you could help it.
YOU LIED.
Not once, since I moved here have you held me when I was crying unless I asked you to. Not once.
You have intentionally let me cry.
.
You were the one who found Caladonna’s and took care of everything. I just had to sign for things.
Did I ever thank you for insisting that I see him that day? I wasn’t going to. I didn’t want to see him.
You told me that I would never get the image of him lying there in his apartment out of my mind (and I haven’t), but that I need to see him one last time. I had to talk to him.
The tears have been falling for awhile now.
You were right. I had to have one last talk with my son.
I remember my parents going in to say their goodbyes. Oh Danny, Dad cried. He cried because of Bobby and because he knew he couldn’t help me get through it. . I remember later dad telling me how glad he was that you were there.
You told him that you would never let me cry if you could help it.
YOU LIED.
Not once, since I moved here have you held me when I was crying unless I asked you to. Not once.
You have intentionally let me cry.
Danny, You promised I would be able to get my things. That we would drive them back here together. No the fire there WAS NOT your fault. It was your fault that we never made it back there that first year
What happened to us going to Colorado. Climbing Pikes Peak. I was healthy enough to still do it until 3 -4 years ago.
Visiting MY FAMILY OUT WEST and in ILLINOIS?
Those were the main things I asked for.
The most important ones.
Except for AC. You have kept that promise. I have AC.
Why did it take you till this summer to put the AC in the kitchen?
I don’t ask for much. You say that all the time. So why do you give me such a hard time about everything I do ask for? I have asked for cell phone service and a decent camera. I got a camera that wore out in a year. I never did get a cell phone service. The only one I have ,someone gave me because I needed a camera.
Remember, You had me give up A T&T (which worked better here than Verizon did/does) so I could get on your plan. It never happened. You came up with excuse after excuse.
I am sorry I am sick most of the time any more.
I understand what that does to you. I get that.
I understand that you weren’t expecting to get the job at Lake Kissimmee State Park. I really understand why you took it. Why we weren’t going to take that first year and travel.
I was glad about the job. It also meant I was STUCK here in Florida.
What happened to us?
What went wrong?
You asked me to leave Colorado and the home I had there. A house I had lived in for years. Raised my son in. You asked me to leave Bobby and all the wonderful family and friends I had there or nearby.
I left a a stay at home job I loved. Teaching was everything to me. You saw the Homeschool/ daycare/preschool. I made more money 12 years ago than you do now with the park service. A Lot more.
I gave up the Special Lupus Program that had paid for almost everything.
You knew how much I hated being hot. We talked for months about that. You knew I left Illinois and the farm I loved because I couldn’t handle the heat and humidity. Medically couldn’t handle it. That was 23 years before. I was younger then. Healthier.
You promised me over and over again, if I couldn’t handle it in Florida, we’d leave it.
You promised.
We are fortunate to live where we do. We have a house, We live alone for the most part on 7 thousand areas. We have the park to call our own as well as Catfish Creek. I don’t know of anyone one else who can say they sit in the middle if 25 thousand acres.
We see more animals in our own yard than most people see in a lifetime. Danny, I would miss this house and what we have here. You know that. I would hate living in town again. With PEOPLE.
You have seen me wither away bit by bit every year as the summers get longer, hotter and wetter. You have seen what it does to me.
You have seen the tears I have shed. I am an outdoor person who lives inside most of the year.
Why do I understand why you stay here and yet, you won’t admit how much I need to leave?
Danny, You aren’t even happy here any more. You still enjoy the work. You just can’t stand the the fact that you are the ONLY one who is really doing their part. At least Andi is starting to come round.
Mark is only going to get worse. If that is possible. Big Josh won’t grow up. How many split shifts did you have to do this week because he took off his late field week? That is NOT going to change. Charlie, (And you know I love him like a brother) is so tired of the park that he isn’t going to get any better. He will always take off weekends and holidays. Why shouldn’t he? He has a new wife and her son and a small ranch of his own to take care of.
Unlike Us who never do anything. They have a life and working together.
Our managers certainly are not going to change. They have had 9 years to change.
I have kept ALL of my promises. Every single one of them.
Can you say the same thing? Remember, I have all of our letters, notes, emails and postcards. Every last one of them.
Have you kept any of them?
OK, You promised to always love me and I know that you do
What happened to our dreams? Our plans?
.
Hell week.
I remember more of it than you think I do. I remember you holding me for hours when I couldn’t I remember my parents going in to say their goodbyes. Oh Danny, Dad cried. He cried because of Bobby and because he knew he couldn’t help me get through it. . I remember later dad telling me how glad he was that you were there.
You told him that you would never let me cry if you could help it.
YOU LIED.
Not once, since I moved here have you held me when I was crying unless I asked you to. Not once.
No the fire there WAS NOT your fault. It was your fault that we never made it back there that first year.
I remember my parents going in to say their goodbyes. Oh Danny, Dad cried. He cried because of Bobby and because he knew he couldn’t help me get through it. . I remember later dad telling me how glad he was that you were there.
You told him that you would never let me cry if you could help it.
YOU LIED.
Not once, since I moved here have you held me when I was crying unless I asked you to. Not once.
You have intentionally let me cry.
No the fire there WAS NOT your fault. It was your fault that we never made it back there that first year.
Danny, You promised I would be able to get my things. That we would drive them back here together.
What happened to us going to Colorado. Climbing Pike’s Peak. I was healthy enough to still do it until 3 -4 years ago.
Visiting MY FAMILY OUT WEST and in ILLINOIS?
Those were the main things I asked for.
The most important ones.
Except for AC. You have kept that promise. I have AC.
Why did it take you till this summer do put the AC in the kitchen?
I don’t ask for much. You say that all the time. So why do you give me such a hard time about everything I do ask for? I have asked for cell phone service and a decent camera. I got a camera that wore out in a year. I never did get a cell phone service. The only one I have someone gave me because I needed a camera.
Remember, You had me give up A T&T (which worked better here than Verizon did/does) so I could get on your plan. It never happened. You came up with excuse after excuse.
As usual, I got off the subject. I was talking about our plans.
OUR PLANS.
Do you realize that you have never asked me what I thought about any of the big decisions that have been made in the last 9 years that I have been here? Most of the time we had talked about them for months. But you never really asked how or what I felt. Not once.
What happened to those DREAMS OF YOURS that became my dreams?
Want me to list them?
You promised me we’d travel the US in the RV.
Maybe not the whole US but at least out of Florida.
You promised we would go back within a few months and bring mine and Bobby’s belongings back.
Danny, I can’t blame you for the wildfire that destroyed the house where everything was stored.
Yes, there is a huge part of me that is angry about it.
I lost everything except what I had brought with me in 2 suitcases on 3 different plane trips here That is 6 suitcases. 6 suitcase. Everything I owned. Everything of Bobby’s.
I don’t ask for much. You say that all the time. So why do you give me such a hard time about everything I do ask for? I have asked for cell phone service and a decent camera. I got a camera that wore out in a year. I never did get a cell phone service. The only one I have someone gave me because I needed a camera.
Remember, You had me give up A T&T (which worked better here than Verizon did/does) so I could get on your plan. It never happened. You came up with excuse after excuse.
I am sorry I am sick most of the time any more.
I understand what that does to you. I get that.
I understand that you weren’t expecting to get the job at Lake Kissimmee State Park. I really understand why you took it. Why we weren’t going to take that first year and travel.
I was glad about the job. It also meant I was STUCK here in Florida.
We had 2 vacations and 2 wonderful 3 day weekends in Daytona, One vacation was before I moved here. So was the first Daytona 500. That means we had ONE vacation and One 3 day weekend in Daytona after I left Colorado.
Yes, I agreed that Daytona was too expensive and too busy.
The vacation we did take was in August to Pine Island. We went fishing on a boat in 90 degree weather.
Hell week.
Sorry but even you said that it was.
You just had to go then.
That was in 2008.
Yes we went to Disney 2 times. I loved them both, One was before I came here. The other was when we still lived in Day Use. We went with other volunteers.
I loved both days with you there. They were wonderful and magical.
We haven’t been to the coast or the Atlantic since we went for work.
We haven’t been anywhere except for work. The last time we got away from here was 3 years ago. We worked at Lake Louisa on the trails.
We worked our butts off and yet we had so much fun. Remember that cabin?
We’ve been offered it a number of times since then.
It is less than 2 hours from here. Yes, I know there is traffic all the way. So take 17 as far as we can. It is not bad from then on.
I know I am coming down on you but once I got started I couldn’t stop.
And I left out a few IMPORTANT things.,
You know what they are.
Look back to what I promised you. Have I broken ANY of them?
Have I not followed through on them? On everyone of them.
I told you I could be a “Bitch” At least I work hard not to be. And when I am, I apologize before during and after.
Goodness knows I have my faults.
I have plenty of them.
Danny, It doesn’t cost anything to go on a picnic. We have to eat anyway. We have plenty of places HERE to have one.
We haven’t been fishing since we left the park. Your boat has sat here rotting for the same amount of time.
We never go left on 60. There are a few places just down the road a ways that we have never been to. We always go to Lake Wales.
What happened to you?
I love our quiet times here at home. I miss family meals. You know how important they are to me. Yet, most of the time I eat alone. I usually sit with you no matter how late you are up.
I know you love me.
What happened to the person who enjoyed making me smile> All I need is a hug. A touch. Ok I get the no touching. A kind word . A thank you.
Danny, I try so hard to be the women, wife, girl and bedtime person that you want me to be. My whole life revolves around you. ”
I am not saying we don’t have good times. We just don’t have many. We still talk for hours and hours. Or rather you do because I am not working with you so what I do any more doesn’t interest you. You have no idea what I do all day.
NONE.
I Slept From 9 PM Wednesday Night Till 4 PM Thursday Afternoon.
I was so tired last night. Oh so tired. I remember walking into the kitchen to tell Danny I was going to bed. He just looked at me and then at the clock.
I fell asleep right away. I seldom do that.
I never heard anything until Danny came to bed. Never heard all the sounds that go on at night that always keep me awake. The interaction between Danny and Mr, Bojangles. The noise of the animals underneath the house or the rain that fell.
I slept soundly. Dreaming Of Bobby and his cousins when they were little. Dreaming of my parents. I feel as if I dreamed all night. Wonderful dreams of yesterday.
This morning, the sun was bright and I just rolled over on my side.
I heard Danny get up and I looked at the clock. It was 9:10.
I’d been sleeping for 12 hours.
I went back to sleep and slept soundly. More wonderful dreams.
Even when I finally got up at 4 PM, I could have slept some more. Yet, I knew I wouldn’t dream again. I got up.
I’d slept for 19 hours.
A little sad, that Bobby can only be heard in my dreams and on a few old cassette tapes I have.
Yet, happy and very thankful. that for hours….We were together again.
Mom and her son….Simply having fun.
Love you Bobby. Love my Memories Of You. My Dreams.
Bobby 3 months old. 1980Bobby and I at my grandparent’s house. Colorado 1984.Bobby, Mike, Leah, Dan and I. La Veta, Colorado 1985Bobby and His momma 1994.Mom and Dad 2004
From Sarah :
I originally wrote
this in 2015.
We are getting ready for another ROAD TRIP. Danny and I have a short trip coming up on Wednesday, January 15th.
Another 5 day trip RAIL FANNING. We come home on Sunday.
I leave for Illinois on Tuesday .I was going to fly there but decided I just couldn’t. I NEED A ROAD TRIP.
I need time to myself. Away from Danny. I will be going from “Sarah” to “Debbie”, my real name. Going HOME for the first time since my dad died.
Both my parents are gone.
Bobby is gone.
I need TIME to heal. That’s what this road trip is for. So is the visit. Going home for COMFORT.
I will have a week at the homestead by myself. My sister and her husband will be gone . I am pet sitting.
I will be hiding.
Once they come home, I will venture out. Seeing family and friends. Taking ROAD TRIPS through the wonderful Illinois countryside. Visiting my home church.
But, for a week, I will stay on the farm as much as possible.
2015:
What do the words “Road Trips” mean to you?
I can’t stop thinking of road trips.
I miss those carefree days when I was young and our family went on vacations. Scenic vacations.
I will write a post on Route 66. It was a huge part of my childhood and teen years
My took many drives and road trips after I turned 16. I never took the same road 2xs in a row if I didn’t have to. This post will cover some of those.
I will write a post on driving to Colorado from Illinois with a girlfriend when we were 16 years old.
Of traveling with Bobby from Illinois to Colorado or Colorado to Illinois.
Road trips with Bobby and his cousins, Mike and Leah.
With Bobby, Kari and Alex.
With my dad, Bobby and I.
So Many awesome memories.
Since Bobby died and I moved to Florida , those road trips stopped. With the exception of 2.
A spur of the moment road trip driving with Karen from Texas to Illinois and then to Kansas in January 2007.
Taking Greyhound back home for mom’s memorial service and Thanksgiving last year. 2014.
To me they mean getting in the Fiat (The Blue Goose) at 17 and heading out for a nightly ride on The Great River Road.
“Old Man River, Father of Waters, “body of a nation,” Big Muddy—by any name the mighty Mississippi cuts a mythic figure across the American landscape.”
Old Man River Lyrics
Music Video
“Old Man River” was written by Butler, Herbert/givens, Otha Lee/johnson, Tony Lee /
Here we all work ‘long the Mississippi
Here we all work, while the white boys play
Gettin’ no rest from the dawn till the sunset
Gettin’ no rest till the judgment day
You don’t look up, you don’t look down
You don’t dare make the rich boss frown
Bend your knees and bow your head
And tote that barge until you’re dead
Let me go away from the Mississippi
Let me go away from the rich man boss
Show me that stream called the River of Jordan
That’s the old stream that I long to cross
Old Man River, Old Man River
He don’t say nothin’, he must know somethin’
Old Man River, he just keeps rollin’ along
You know, you know he don’t plant taters
And we all know the man don’t plant no cotton
And then, then they plant ’em
Oh the Lord knows they are soon forgotten
But Old Man River, he just keeps rollin’ along
You, you and me, you know sometimes
We have to we have to sweat, sweat and strain
Our bodies, our bodies are all achin’
And wracked with a whole lot of pain
Tote that barge, lift that bale, you get a little drunk
And you land in jail
I get weary and so sick of tryin’
I’m tired of livin’, and afraid of dyin’
But Old Man River, he just keeps rollin’ ahttps://youtu.be/eh9WayN7R-s
Old Man River, he just keeps rollin’ along
I love my hometown of Grafton, Illinois. To be honest, If It wouldn’t have been so hot and humid there in the summertime and cold and damp in the winter , I probably would never have left it to move to Colorado.
I would have just gone to Colorado , every chance I had.
I would probably still be there, On the farm…..In my parent’s house.
I loved farm life. But that is another story.
Illinois is beautiful. Roads that go on and on forever. Crisscrossing like they DON’T DO In Florida Or Even Colorado. Leaving the farm and just driving.
Farm Life I’ve posted these just last week in mom’s memorial post. Mom and Donna and my rabbits. Above, Me with Cisco and Ralphie Jr.
I would listen to Elvis singing Memphis Tennessee over and over again.
Another song I would listen to over and over again was :
“River Road By Crystal Gayle
Here I go once again with my suitcase in my hand
And I’m running away down River Road
And I swear, once again, that I’m never coming home
Yes, I’m chasing my dreams down River Road
Mama said, “Listen child, you’re too old to run wild
You’re too big to be fishin’ with the boys these days”
So I grabbed some clothes and I ran
Stole five dollars from a sugar can
A twelve year old jail breaker runnin’ away
Here I go once again with my suitcase in my hand
And I’m running away down River Road
And I swear, once again, that I’m never coming home
I’m chasing my dreams down River Road
Well, I married a pretty good man and he tries to understand
But he knows I’ve got leavin’ on my mind these days
When I get that urge to roam I’m just like a kid again
The same old jail breaker runnin’ away
Here I go once again with my suitcase in my hand
And I’m running away down River Road
And I swear, once again, that I’m never coming home
I’m chasing my dreams down River Road”
Bobby grew up listening to the songs I loved . We would sing them together.
Bobby and I 1981.
The photo of us was taken one year at Royal Gorge. His cousins were visiting and I had promised to take everyone there. It was one of the few hot summer days Colorado had that year. In the 90’s. No humidity though.Bobby, Mike and Leah Cascade Colorado- Bobby 4, Mike 3 and Leah 2. 1984My kids
My kids. I thought of them that way. They were almost always together for the first 5 years of their lives. More like brother’s and sister than cousins.
Grafton and Elsah
“Located at the confluence of the Mississippi and Illinois rivers, and stretching out for approximately two miles along the Illinois River, is the picturesque river town of Grafton. Founded in 1832 by James Mason, Grafton is the oldest town in Jersey County. Described as a “post office, one store, one tavern, and a number of families” in 1834, the area was being settled as early as 1812 when a blockhouse was built at the confluence for protection.”
“Built in 1858 this home was for many years the home of the village butcher and fisherman, Issac Haupt. The stone part of the structure was built as a two-room house with an outside stair to the second floor. The frame portion on the right was added in the 1890s. Then in the 1940s the house was modernized by adding an inside stair, living room fireplace, bathrooms, and oak flooring over the old random width pine boards in the living and dining rooms.”
The Buggy Shop : “John Reintges erected the wagon shop in the summer of 1877. Although there have been, some changes, particularly in the front, the buggy shop is one of the buildings that gives Elsah its quaint flavor. You can still read the lettering painted across the gable end of the shop “Wagons and Buggies Made and Repaired.”
Or I would head further down the road to a little road shortly before you reached Alton and the Piasa Bird.
The down 100 and home. There was an old bridge back then….They took it out years ago.
For the longer drives (Usually during the day) I would turn right in Grafton and head West Towards Hardin.
“Some of the region’s most dramatic scenery is nestled along a winding road north of Alton, Illinois. Drive along the Great River Road with the Mississippi River on one side and soaring limestone bluffs on the other. The bluffs, noted in the journals of 17th-century explorers Marquette and Joliet, sheltered the fierce Piasa Bird of Native American legend. Just north of Alton, you’ll find an image of the serpent-like bird painted on the limestone cliffs. Enjoy antique hunting in Alton and charming Grafton to the north. Picnic beside the river, bike on the trail under the bluffs or explore the grounds of Pere Marquette State Park and its classic log lodge.
Cross the Mississippi or Illinois rivers on one of four ferries at Kampsville, Grafton, Brussels and Winfield or stop in the Center for American Archeology in Kampsville to learn more about the region’s prehistoric heritage. On the way back to St. Louis, visit the Argosy Casino Alton or stop in the National Great Rivers Museum at the Melvin Price Locks and Dam. Learn about the Corps of Discovery at the Lewis & Clark State Historic Site in Hartford, Illinois, located at the site of the explorers’ Camp Dubois.”
I was just finishing a post for this morning.
I have been up all night. Hurting. I was hoping to make it through today and tomorrow …then crashing on Sunday…..
I won’t be going in this morning.
They really don’t need me there. I was just going to be checking out the last minutes details for the Event.
I know it isn’t necessary. I have done it all already.
So I am staying home today.
Staying off my ankle as much as possible/
So I can be there Saturday for The Grand Opening Event.
I have borrowed a good camera to take photos all day.
Anyway, I was still feeling a bit sorry for myself.
Until I happened to glance at my Number Of Followers.
I have gotten use to the ups and downs of it. At least the get a few , then a loose a few.
So I don’t pay quite as much attention to it any more.
Tonight I did.
717.
Bobby was born on 7- 17.
7:17 PM
Weighing 7 pounds 11 ounces.
I was in room 17.
He loved the numbers 7 and 17.
A silly thing to make me smile. Nothing special.
I love those moments.
I am not a Whitesnake fan.
Bobby was.
LOUD.
Except when I was HOME.
I like this song and a couple of others.
That’s IT.
Whitesnake- Here I Go Again
I don’t know where I’m goin
but I sure know where I’ve been
hanging on the promises in songs of yesterday.
An’ I’ve made up my mind, I ain’t wasting no more time
but here I go again, here I go again.
Tho’ I keep searching for an answer
I never seem to find what I’m looking for.
Oh Lord, I pray you give me strength to carry on
‘cos I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams.
Here I go again on my own
goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.
An’ I’ve made up my mind, I ain’t wasting no more time.
Just another heart in need of rescue
waiting on love’s sweet charity
an’ I’m gonna hold on for the rest of my days
‘cos I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams.
Here I go again on my own
goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known.
Like a hobo I was born to walk alone.
An’ I’ve made up my mind, I ain’t wasting no more time
but here I go again, here I go again,
here I go again, here I go.
An’ I’ve made up my mind, I ain’t wasting no more time.
Here I go again on my own
goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
‘cos I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams.
Here I go again on my own
goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.
An’ I’ve made up my mind, I ain’t wasting no more time
but here I go again, here I go again,
here I go again, here I go,
here I go again
—————————————-—————————————-
“Here I Go Again” is a song recorded by Whitesnake. Originally released on their 1982 album, Saints & Sinners, the song was re-recorded for their eponymous 1987 album Whitesnake. The song was re-recorded yet another time in 1987 in a new “radio” version. The 1987 version hit number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart on October 10, 1987, and number nine on the UK Singles Chart on November 28, 1987. The 1987 version also hit number one on the Canadian Singles Chart on October 24, 1987. In 2006, the 1987 version was named the 17th Greatest Song of the 1980s by VH1.
To Bobby,
Wishing you were here. Missing you as I always do. It is just harder on holidays.
Your cousin’s birthday is Monday. You were so close to her. To all of them.
I can’t believe that you would be 35 if you were still here.
I see you all the time in my dreams . You have aged in some of them. I have even seen a couple of kids walking with you.
Wishing I had all the photos that were lost in the fire. Oh so many of you. I have so few now.
I am remembering all of the firework events we went to.
You loved them. You were so proud to be an American. You’d be disappointed in our country right now.
Miss You . Love you.
Mom