Posted in Sarah's Attic Of Treasures

When Mother’s Day Hurts – (in)courage

http://www.incourage.me/2017/05/mothers-day-hurts 

(In) Courage :When Mother’s  Day Hurts.

As I sat in the pew, the pastor preached a stirring sermon on the attributes of motherhood. All the things he said were true. They just didn’t apply to me. And when the time came for all the mothers in the sanctuary to stand and be honored, my head dipped and the tears flowed. As mothers all around the room proudly rose from their seats, I prayed silently.

Posted in Sarah's Attic Of Treasures

Grief: Living a New Reality – Beautiful Ashes

http://www.mistyleask.com/grief-living-a-new-reality/ 

I’ve known for most of my life that I haven’t ever handled grief properly. That is why I began this journey towards learning to grieve with hope with my besties. We’re in the midst of our book study through Grieving with Hope, by Samuel J. Hodges.

Every week we’ll each be sharing our thoughts on the same chapter. It is our hope and prayer that as we learn to grieve holding tightly to the hope we have in Jesus Christ that others will be encouraged and strengthened that are on their own grief journey.

You can follow my journey towards grieving with hope here.

Posted in . Our Neck Of The Woods, About Me, Just Me and My Thoughts, My Life, My Ramblings: About Me, Rolling Meadows Ranch

My Emotional Rollercoaster.

Overwhelmed, Frustrated, Angry, Hurt, Upset And Always Emotional.

A quick job of making the bed
A quick job of making the bed

Today started off like so many other days when Danny is off and we have doctor’s appointments. Danny’s alarm went off about an hour before we NEEDED to get up. Then he did the “SNOOZE” thing for the next hour.
I will never understand “SNOOZE”.
I am not a morning person. I hate it. I seldom feel good.
Yet, when we have to get UP, I get up almost right away.
I do not want or need a “SNOOZE” button.
Unlike Danny,
So I got up soon after the alarm went off.
I didn’t want to lay there getting irritated.

We had a good drive to the doctor’s offices. They are right NEXT to each other.
Back to back appointments.
In and out took awhile but we did it.
Everything went well.
Normal stuff. All routine.

Waiting
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting for the doctor
Waiting for the doctor
Danny waiting for the doctor.
Danny waiting for the doctor.

On our way to eat. Danny took the back way through Davenport. A small town near where his old house was. He wanted to show me something NEW to both of us.

Recently , Davenport tore down their old watertower.  The company that tore it down gave this to the city. Parts from the original water tower.
Recently , Davenport tore down their old watertower.
The company that tore it down gave this to the city. Parts from the original water tower.

SAMSUNG
SAMSUNG

We had a good time here. Unexpected on my end. Danny wasn’t in a hurry. I was able to take pictures and I did.
More to come later.
We kissed.

SAMSUNG
Then Danny said we were going to ALL STAR’S.
My mood dropped.
One of the things I look forward to when we go to the doctor’s is :
we don’t go to ALL STAR BAR AND GRILL.
Don’t get me wrong. The food is great there. We are weekly or every other week regulars.
We usually sit at the same place AT THE BAR.
I drink ice tea most of the time.
Walmart is right across the street.
It is still a BAR. WE SIT AT THE BAR. I get tired of it.
Danny doesn’t always drink…he just likes sitting there. I don’t mind it.
Sometimes.

We don’t shop ANYWHERE but Walmart. WHY?
I really don’t know except that it is the closest to our house . We can get Everything there at one trip.
YET, Danny hates it.

So we weren’t suppose to go to All Stars because we didn’t need to go to Walmart.
So where did we end up?
All Stars.
I did good.
I kept my mouth shut (for the most part).
We weren’t there long.
The ride home was good.
We had a nice few hours.
Then WHAM!

I didn't WALK away. I exploded.
I didn’t WALK away. I exploded.
SAMSUNG
I just need something to sharpen it with. I can sharpen it. I have before. Many times.

SAMSUNG
I asked Danny to get something for me to sharpen my clippers.
Clippers isn’t the right word but it’s one of those times I can’t think of the right word.
I never asked him to sharpen it. All I did was ask him to get a sharpener…Again, there is a better word but I forgot was it was.
I won’t go into it but Danny Blew Up.
It’s been a long time since we have had an argument like this.
I really meant to walk away even though it angers Danny. I didn’t want to fight. I didn’t want to YELL.
I never made it.
He said something and I blew up. Then I walked off. Crying.
The sitting down on the floor in the master bathroom SOBBING.
And SOBBING.
It didn’t end there.
We got past it. Danny acting as if it never happened . My walking around not saying much of anything.
He went to bed and is sound asleep.
I am awake, going over and over it.

Danny won’t say another word about the argument. He won’t ever say he is sorry. He isn’t.
I can’t say it this time. It would cause more negative things to be said.
So I need to just let it go.

This has just been a rather rough week.
Both of us are worn out from the heat.
I am always hot…even inside.

Tim and the girls
Tim and the girls. Leah and Lillian. 

10919014_1457347234576691_3430445242146158355_n 10156139_1457347304576684_7143781393412946739_nMy nieces birthday was Monday (yesterday).

I talked to her and the kids. We messaged on Facebook.
All good. Except , I miss my family. We live so far away from everyone.
I miss Bobby, whose birthday is July 17 and he won’t be here once again.
I am doing ok there. Really. Outside. I wear my mask well.

I talked to my dad.
Now that was hard.
He is staying with my sister for the summer ……Health issues.
My parents got old the last few years.
Now Mom is gone.
Dad’s aged 10 years since then.

I am STUCK in Florida.
Everyone I love is in Illinois.

Or in Heaven.

I am still doing good.
Over all.
Outside where everyone can see it.
Only thing is:
No one sees what is inside :
Not  even Danny…..

I don’t see anyone else here except occasionally…….
I am working on the blog and other media sites.
No one even knows this :
Except for those of you HERE ON THE Blog.

Danny has no idea.
I have mentioned the blog: In passing.
He has never asked.

He shares everything about work.
Over and over again.

We don’t really share what is going on in
MY NECK OF THE WOODS.
In Sarah’s Attic Of Treasures.

He has heard me mention Sarah’s Attic.
He knows I post about the park.
He has never asked me anything about it.

I have over 10, 00 fans on FACEBOOK Sarah’s Attic of Treasures.

I have had them for 2 years now.

I must have done something RIGHT.

We use to share so much more.

We still talk for hours, Yet, he never asks what I do all day when I am not working.

No one around here knows.

No one knows
except for YOU.

SAMSUNG

1998 My family
1998 My family

I miss my old life.
I am trying so hard to improve things now…..In the present.
I want a future with Danny .
I want us.
I also want and need to be happy. To be understood.
To be loved.
I am loved.
Danny loves me.
Oh he loves me.
I have no doubt of that.
I love him.

Still:

Ending here.
I wrote more than what I intended to.
More than what I probably should.
Yet, Someone NEEDS to know.

Sarah